


Don't Make Me Beg

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-25
Updated: 2006-03-25
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:51:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8093995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Archer ponders. (10/04/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 2.26 "The Expanse."  


* * *

Jonathan Archer was absently staring at the Enterprises on the wall of his ready room.

For all he knew, Soval did not act like the emotionless Vulcan he claimed to be when he asked her to stay after his /recreational/ program.

He still could feel the tingles in his spine at watching the Vulcans struggle and shout on the fuzzy screen. He could well enough imagine its impact on T'Pol.  
The video made its point one hundred percent.

It was screaming "don't go there" in the face of Starfleet Command. Not loud enough though. It was not a matter of petty retaliation but some kind of unprecedented /diplomatic/ mission. To prevent a war that would destroy the Xindi world from happening and in the process to stop any further attacks on Earth.

Should they do nothing, the Xindi will be back eventually. With even more powerful weapons. He could not help but wondering why that Daniels guy from the future did not warn them before Trip's baby sister, and along with her millions of people, died in the process.

It should have been easy for them. But no! They wanted to prevent the time line to be altered. My a...!

Those bastards were experimenting on them, full stop.

Being a guinea pig was not his cup of tea. He cherished his free will and Earth's. Now that Enterprise was under the deep scrutiny of Vulcans like under the lens of a huge microscope like never before, the future of the human race was depending on the success of their suicide mission. At least, he would be long dead and unable to take the blame should they fail that mission.

He took another bite at his sandwich. Tomatoes and lettuce had a bitter taste. He looked blankly at the characters on the page of his open book. Swift. How ironic. "Gulliver's Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World".

"That seems appropriate," he muttered to himself.

He knew he had been named after the lampoonist.

Jonathan.

So he will be not only a great observer of the human souls but could put it to good use when his time has come to go where no Human has gone before him...He could still remember his mother's face: grinning and laughing as she was misquoting Cochrane, ruffling his hair in a sponge towel after his night bath.  
He was 3 or 4, but her laughter was still vivid to his ears.

/Your son was not meant to be a mere explorer./

Cochrane's words to his father. How proud he was, when he reported this to his wife, right before Cochrane disappeared out there to never come back.

At this moment, he could feel the weight of the task. Unthinkingly, he took another bite of the sandwich.

Taylor saw her.

She said so to Hoshi.

And Hoshi told Trip...and Trip told him.

She fought to stay on Enterprise...and eventually failed. His first mission was to get her back to her planet.

Thinking it over, she had been acting oddly since those last few weeks. Long before the attack. Her worry was patent in the captain's log she kept during his various abductions.

She cared for him. More than she wanted to admit.

As he cared for (more than he will ever admit either), he was only glad she will be safe on Vulcan. Safe from further attacks should she stay on Earth and safe because she was released from her commission on the ship.

He will miss her. It was no secret. But it was a small price to pay in exchange of her life.

He turned the page and tried to resume his reading. He was chewing with energy but it was hard work to swallow the food. The closer they were getting to her home world, the bigger was the lump in his throat.

Hoshi was supposed to call for him as soon as she could pick the faintest transmission from Vulcan. So that he could prepare to say goodbye to her and review a last time...

Review what?

Why did he have to hide from her in his ready room instead of staying with her for the last hours she was on the ship?

...because it was no time to declare whatever was on his mind. They had a one way ticket on the journey to the Delphic Expanse. He wished he had had more time.

He slightly shook his head and he smiled to himself. With all the time in the world, he would have said nothing. He put the sandwich back in the plate and reached out for his book.

The contact of the old yellowish paper was reassuring. Yet another 48 hours then he'll be through with being sorry for himself. When into the expanse, he could not afford the luxury of...

The chime stopped him from another self arguing.

"Come in!"

His back was turned to the door but he could smell the scent of the meditation candle and her spicy perfume. He looked up at her. She was even more beautiful than he could imagine.

There will be rough times, the times when she is gone. He managed to smile at her. The lump was big enough to fill part of his chest now. She was here to remind him that they were reaching Vulcan in due time. She announced their ETA was two days from now, as he has theorised before. No emotion.

Didn't she feel anything for him? Was he mistaken all along?

"Why don't you sit down?"" he said gently.

She was tense and yet resisting to his request. Obviously, her presence in his ready room was serving a precise purpose and she was tempted to stay up. She complied nevertheless and sat reluctantly in the opposite chair.

Time to show off his well-oiled comedian Archer.

She pretended to miss the point of his private joke on Vulcan cuisine and displayed various looks showing he was setting her on the edge. Maybe he could try the human smell.

He remembered with astonishing accuracy that night at the P'Jem sanctuary when she kept refusing the warmth of a shared blanket and then her slender body against his. Nope.

Not the time.

He quickly regained some welcome control on his thoughts.

"...how about all those emotions we bombard you with everyday?"

"I have grown accustomed to that...somewhat..."

Well, maybe she had but clearly I'm lost in a swarm of emotions, he thought. She was simply killing him. It would be so easy to take her in his arms and forget they had to leave each other in this life time only two days from now...He was so embarrassed that he could not even think properly. He stood up awkwardly and took the book back on the shelf.

So much for Gulliver. He was of no help right now.

For god's sake, she was not making it easy for him. How could he say goodbye when she was not eager to get back home? He had been told she had been away for several years, she must be willing to get back. Doesn't she /feel/ something?  
Now it was his turn to be on the edge. There must be something she was looking forward to on Vulcan. She surprised him when she stood up and faced him with a stern look. Now what? She was going to lecture him for his poor attempts at joking and his stubbornness at being polite?

Go to hell!!

"I don't wish to return to Vulcan," she said bluntly.

Bump.

What? What did I miss? Clearly Vulcan Command was short of several memos to his desk. He managed to his a triumphal smile. It was not his place to rejoice.  
And they say that Vulcan have no emotions? That outburst was blatant enough, if you ask me. Yes, T'Pol, you know I want you to stay on Enterprise.

I want you to stay with me.

But there's nothing I can do to make you stay. Before you came in I was just feeling sorry for myself, now I am desperate.

"The High Command will never agree to it."

"I have decided to resign my commission."

No! You cannot do that. Not for me. I do not deserve your sacrifice.

"Why?" he said, with the straighter face he could. He did not know whether he was happy or angry or even what to think. She was being unexpectedly emotional. Was she ill again...he resisted the sudden urge to take her in his arms and hold her tight for the rest of his human life.

"You've worked so hard T'pol..." he argued weakly.

She methodically started to push her pawns: danger, science officer, blablabla. He was not even listening.

He noticed that he was swallowing easily for the first time in three months. He would have dance on the spot but he did not wish to knock himself down on those stupid beams. He knew that for the time being, he was lost to reasoning.

If she wanted to stay, then let it be.

He put his hands on her frail shoulders and took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding rapidly. He was going to say the hardest thing he's ever said but he was confident. He knew it was the right thing to do it. He could not jeopardize her career and expose her to greater risks now that she had confessed she cared.

"We'll be all right," he said softly.

He felt she was tensing up. Immediately, he let go of her and put up a great act when deciding to ultimately lie to her.

"I've been thinking about who to promote," he said with a firm voice, stiffening mentally and avoiding her burning stare. A swirl of anger/pain/loss reached him but he did not flinch. It was no time to react.

They were past that phase.

He had to make a decision and she was not staying.

"You need me...captain," she said quietly.

He slowly turned back to her.

Yes, I need you.

He looked at her, carefully, mentally charting every shadow of her face, every curb, every glint in her hair.

You're right, I need you.

The lump in his throat was totally gone now. Once in the Delphic Expanse, Starfleet or the Vulcan Command won't go after her. If Forrest wants to court-martial me, let him be my guest.

He said nothing and strode off to the bridge. Disappointment and scoffing was rolling all over him. He heard her follow, in total disarray. She looked so devastated that he saw the reflection of her sorrow on Hoshi's face. He was eager to speak up but could not find the right words.

He shifted from one foot to another, pacing the bridge.

"We're not going to Vulcan," he finally said. He was rewarded by the relief of the crew, matching his own. Her link to his mind instantly strengthened and he felt her soft and reassuring mental embrace along with her total puzzlement. She slowly took her place back at the science station.

"Mr Mayweather, set a course to the Delphic Expanse."

Good. It was going to be like taking a ride at several G's.


End file.
